by Daniella Blechner
Have you ever dated somebody, been enchanted with smooth, silky words and swept off your feet into his cloud only to wonder three months later where he’s gone and what it was you did wrong?
Have you clung onto false promises, visions of the future and been suckered into typical phrases such as “Am I The One?” or “It’s you and me, baby, all the way,” only to witness him disappear like a magician’s handkerchief in the blink of an eye?
Keep Calm; you’re dating Mr Dreamer.
Mr Dreamer is full of false promises and intentions. Mr Dreamer is often a charming man with a silver tongue and silky words that could convert the greatest cynic into a dedicated disciple. Mr Dreamer lures his woman with fanciful words, flattery and flamboyant ideas for the future. He is the exciting James Bond character who creates an air of mystery around his aura, keeping you guessing and wondering how he could possibly be so cool. This man desperately wants to be a hero in your life and whilst the intention is certainly there, for some reason he is unable to see it through; he is emotionally unavailable.
Broken Hearted On Loop
Whilst writing Mr Wrong, I interviewed men and women all over the world to get both sides of the story. I learnt that the world is full of women who have fallen for Mr Dreamer not once, not twice but continually, each time repeating the dance of being ‘in love’ to broken hearted on loop. Despite seeing the warning signs, it seemed easier to pretend the sky was green than take off the rose tinted glasses and see the situation for what it really was. How far and often do we, as women, get wrapped up in the fantasy of Prince Charming and The Knight in Shining Armour coming to save The Damsel in Distress and how does this fairy tale myth impact on men?
“My advice to women is that they need to put a higher value on sincerity over romance.”
Interestingly, a brave young man admitted to being a Mr Dreamer. “I would definitely say I am a Mr. Dreamer when it comes to women as I always promise the world or I talk about getting married and having kids when I doubt it will happen in the near future. I genuinely mean it in that moment, but it will be fleeting.” He goes on to say, “My advice to women is that they need to put a higher value on sincerity over romance.”
We Do Not Need To Be Saved!
Remember ladies, we are no damsels in distress. We do not need to be saved nor do we need to wear those rose tinted glasses. Whilst romance and impressive gestures are very much appreciated, my advice is to listen to your intuition when it speaks to you, look for consistency and sincerity. A relationship should be seen as an investment; take your time to make decisions, ask yourself if the investment is in alignment with your values and if it is worthy of your time and energy. Sometimes investments are risky. Are you both willing to put yourselves on the line to be vulnerable with one another, to water and nurture what you have and take time to build solid foundations so that you can grow together? If you are fed up with Mr Dreamer, who is afraid of the C-Word or L-word, I would highly suggest that you ask yourselves these questions. Sometimes our men come in chipped armour or with broken swords; it’s not our job to ‘polish them up’ or change them but to love and accept them just as they are and if we cannot accept them, make a different choice.
“Everything in our lives is a reflection of a choice we have made, if we want a different outcome make a different choice.”-unknown
Daniella Blechner is a South London based Best-selling author of Mr Wrong. She is an author, teacher, healer and speaker who passionately uses her experiences to empower others. Mr Wrong, “a humorous and insightful exploration into why some women continually attract Mr Wrong and how to set out on a path to self-discovery,” is a collection of stories written by women across the world who have encountered and overcome “Mr Wrong” relationships. The aim is to unite, inspire and empower women to claim their stories and create a change within.Daniella runs workshop 7 Steps to Creating the Greatest Version of You as well as a six week course Unleash Your Voice working with women writers. She writes from the heart often laced with a wicked sense of humour. Daniella’s motto for life is Love. Life. Laugh. At the end of Life if asked, “Did you Love enough, Live enough and Laugh enough” the aim is to reply with an all resounding YES!!